i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
