Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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