: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
