Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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