We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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