Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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