omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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