So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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