sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
