so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
