Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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