I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
