She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
