I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
