Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born

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(303): View more from Colorado

I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?

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(318): View more from Louisiana

I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell

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(706): View more from Georgia

we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.

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(740): View more from Ohio

sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.

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(813): View more from Florida

I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend

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