sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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