Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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