she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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