Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
