watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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