yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize