Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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