Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
