What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
