doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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