Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This baby is an asshole
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
