come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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