so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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