i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
nutella sex= disaster
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
