meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize