and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
