I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He has the fingertips of a God
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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