It was confusing and full of hummus
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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