My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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