I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
