We're like a lot better than the average bears
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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