Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
where am i from again
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
