Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize