just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
