she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
