is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize