If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
