the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
