proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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