Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
