you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
