your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I can text with my tongue
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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