don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
