i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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