the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
