1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
