We're like a lot better than the average bears
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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