This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize