lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The air taste purple.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
