Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
