I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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