I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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