My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
