Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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