Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
