Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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