I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
