Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My room smells like vodka and shame
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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