he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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