something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
