My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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