there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
how does that bad decision feel?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
