I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
