I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
