she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
