P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
