you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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