If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
