Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
