Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
