I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
